Hey, what's happening in my brain?

Lately, I do forget things easily. For example:

[1] Last week, my friend was asking me my mobile no. And I couldn't even remember it! I mixed up the number of mine and my boyfriend. Ow ow...

[2] The day after, my friend was asking me my student number. And again I couldn't remember it. I was confused: "Is it 3260295 or 3250296 or other number?" Ow ow...

[3] When I was in the Corporate Strategy class, the teacher was asking about the things we were talking about 5 mins ago and I couldn't remember it anymore. I forgot it completely!! Ow ow...

[4] Today when I was in the meeting with my colleagues, I wanted to say a word of "Greenpeace" and I couldn't. I completely forgot the word. I was confused between Greenpeace, Greenwich and other "Greeny" words... Ow ow...

And I have a lot more examples..

Is this 'dementia'? Ow ow, I hope it's nothing serious to my health or my brain...

Despite my last post in which I said I loved being at school, now I want to say that it's actually not that fun anymore. And I start hating it. I know, it sounds stupid to have changing minds all the time, but that's what I feel now and I can't help it.

There are several reasons for me to hate being at school:

[1] I don't get paid (hihihi). No matter how hard I study, how nice I do my assignments, I still don't get paid. And FYI, money matters to my motivation of doing something (hihihi).

[2] I hate to talk in public, yet it's kinda 'compulsory' for the IBMS students. For some modules, the grades are really influenced by your ability to talk in public. For example, in the European Business module, the students are required to arrange 2 workshops of certain topics. And these workshops counts 40% of the final grade. Oh gosh, it's not fair for those who hate talking in public!! And this also applies to the Corporate Strategies module. Damn!!

and a lot more examples...

I know I know, compaining is not good. And actually, I keep reminding myself that school also has some positive aspects ~ meeting friends, flexible schedules, etc ~. So Silvi, stop complaining and study hard!! Study, study, study...

Inspired by Dita

Silvia Meinita Laurensia

is my full name. You can read the story of choosing this name here.

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And now I just wanna share the meaning of my name:

- Silvia: woodland maid

- Meinita: Mei means May (I was born in May). Nita means a bean grower.

- Laurensia: I couldn't find the meaning in the internet, but the most similar name I could find was Lawrencia, means crowned with laurels.

So Silvia Meinita Laurensia means "A woodland maid who was born in May, works as a bean grower and always crowned with laurels" (?)

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Arrgghh, whatever, I am so boring of doing nothing...

Hey, wake up, babe, we gotta go!!

Arrgghhh... stupid me!!!

This afternoon I made muffins... Just plain muffins... It's so easy to make, just mix the dry ingredients (flour, baking powder, baking soda, pinch of salt, sugar) to the liquid ingredients (butter, milk, egg). One thing to remember when you make muffins, do not overmix. Just mix until the batter is moistened. And I did it perfectly!! FYI, it was the first time I dit it correctly.

And then I baked the muffins. After 15 mins it was done. Then I tried the muffins and it tasted strange... Indeed, it was so soft (because I mixed it in a correct way), but it was kinda bitter!!

Arrgghh, i'd just realized that the butter is no more good aka no more edible... So my muffins are not edible either... Hiks... I should have realized it before!!

It should have been perfect!! Hiks...

Phew, today was so tiring. I had 3 classes from 8: 30 to 14:45. After class, I still had to go to the library to borrow the books of Code Nederland 2 and I also took a little look at the dissertation examples from the previous years.

I am actually so afraid of the dissertation. Up until now, I haven't got any idea yet what my dissertation will be about. I'm thinking of doing the dissertation about Finance/Economics, but I still don't know what topic can it be. I don't even know in what area I'm good at. (Well, I did my internship in an accounting department, but I still don't know how to relate it to my dissertation - stupid me!)

I pray to God to give me a slightest idea about the topic of my dissertation :)

For this weekend, I have some homeworks :(. First, I have to prepare for the European Business workshop since my group is the first group to perform. I'll have the meeting about that on Monday. Then, I also have to read a dissertation example from previous year and assess its strengths and weaknesses. I'll have the meeting about that on Tuesday. And I also have to prepare for the Dutch class, since I'd like to change my language option from Spanish Intermediate to Dutch Intermediate, and the teacher would like to give me a test to see whether I can catch up with the class or not (because I didn't take the Dutch beginner).

But well, so far, I can say that I enjoy being at school (although I do complaining sometimes when I get homeworks :p). I hope that I can keep this spirit for the whole year. I bet I'll be very busy this year.

Next, I also want to get a parttime job. But it's kinda difficult to find one. Two weeks ago, I applied to Mattel, but I got rejected since they already found someone to fill in that position. Then I applied for a job through the agent named "Undutchables" and the company would like to have an interview with me. But since I'm allowed to work only for 10 hours a week (the position was for 20 hours a week) and I don't have the working permit, the agent (Undutchables) said that they couldn't help me any further :(. The agent wants someone that already has the working permit. Arrgghh, it's so frustating.

Why do I really want to get a parttime job? Because I'm afraid that if I don't find one now, it will be more difficult for me to find a fulltime job when I graduate next year. And if I can't find the fulltime job by the time I graduate, it means that I have to go home :(. I'm so afraid of going home (I have loads of reasons about this).

The second reason why I do want to get the parttime job is that I feel so useless and unproductive when I just go to school, doing the assignments, etc. And having no parttime job means that I have no income from myself and I have to ask the money from my parents. And I hate that :(. I feel so guilty when I do that. I mean, hey, I'm 21 by now, and it's kinda pity if I still ask the money to my parents (and it's hell loads of money) :(.

The third reason is that I'm afraid that if I don't have the job now, I'll forget about my experiences during my internship (I hope you understand what I mean). If I do get the job now, I'm sure that I still remember some theories, experiences, etc from my internship and maybe I can adapt those to my new company.

I also pray to God about these things :). And I'm sure He has beautiful plans for me (it's just sometimes I forget about this and keep worrying about things).

BTW, I miss Metso (the company I did my internship). I do miss working there. I miss waking up at 6, hurrying up, running to the station to catch the train, going home at 5 and so on. I miss doing my tasks there: preparing the tax overviews, calculating the depreciations, making the bookings, maintaining the "orderbook", inputting the Resource Time Reports to the system, etc. I often wonder how is life in Metso at this moment, how my successor is doing, how my supervisor and manager are doing, etc. I do miss them. If only I could keep working there...

I have loads of hobbies and interests, but they last only for a week :(

Thant's the nickname I'm using for MSN messenger at this moment. One of my friends told me that this nickname sounds funny. But for me, it's the truth :p

For example, last year, around December 2005, I was so in love with what's called Digital Scrapbooking. I was so so so in love with this thing. Everyday, I keep checking the websites of this thing, I downloaded the elements, I spent 4 hours everyday just for making the design, etc. But then, this passion disappered after for about a month :p

Another example, cooking and baking. Since April 2006, I was so fond of cooking and baking. Fortunately, I gor free oven and mixer to support this new hobby. Everyday, I spent some hours browsing and trying the recipes. And for this hobby, I started from zero.

to be continued...

Feeling so blue. So sad. So upset. So jealous. So uncertain. So worry. So unhappy.

I want to sleep.

I miss home so much :( I want to be there with Ma, Pa, my only sister, my friends...

What tortures me more is the fact that I know my Ma misses me a lot :( And I cannot find any ways to go home. And Ma cannot go here yet. :(

I wanna be home... soon...

It's nice to go back again to school.

Well, at least it's not that bad as I imagined before. I can pretty much enjoy it comparing to when I was in the second year. I love to meet my friends at school, sitting in class, listening to the teacher, having group meeting, etc. I also like the subjects that I have now: Corporate Strategy, European Business Environment, Professional Development, Spanish and Finance. Maybe it's still too early to say that I like these subjects, but so far, so good :) Starting from next week, it is very possible that I will change my language to Dutch intermediate instead of Spanish. I like to learn Spanish actually, but it's just that I think it will be far more useful and sensible for me if I learn Dutch ( and I start to love the Dutch language anyway).

I really hope that I can enjoy this situation of going back to school until I graduate next year :)

O ja, one more reason that I love being at school is that everybody speaks English. After a year being in the situation where not all the people around me could really speak English and I couldn't really understand what others was saying around me, it feels so relieving to have everybody speak English. And I love to hear my teachers' and friends' different accents.