i feel a bit nervous for coming to school today... today is the first day of semester 3, and i'll be soooo busy for this semester... i'll have 3 projects, and i think one of them is related to accounting... huhuhuhu... last semester was much much much better than this semester...

today is sooo boring... makes me feel angry... what a fucking boring day...

-the end-

dear blog...


sekarang aku lg lapeeeerrrrrrrr banget... tapi males ambil makanan... padahal dah ada croissant, tinggal di microwave terus dimakan... hauhaua... laperrrrr......


aku jg lg agak2 pusing ni... ga tau kenapa... kayaknya salah urat deh... huhhuu...


hari ini aku mau beres2 rumah... harus!!! abisnya, rumahnya dah kayak kandang bebek... kotorrrrrrrr bangettt... huh!!!


aduh blog... not in a really good mood nie... gimana dunkz?


terus terus terus...


aku jg lg pingin ganti skin nya blog ku ini... dah bocen... ahuahuahua... padahal aku dah ganti 2 kali ya... pingin ganti pake skin yg dulu ajah... lbh bagus... tapi html nya dah ilang... huhhhuhu...


blog...


gw lg pingin dimaja2in nie... hihihi... pingin dicayank2... pingin dipuk-puk... pingin jadi puteri raja!!!


eh seandainya aku ini puteri raja, enak banget ya... tinggalnya di istana kayak versailles gitu... kamarnya banyakkk... bisa lari2an... punya dayang2... hahah...


eh pas kemarin aku bilang mama kalo aku pingin jadi puteri raja, mama bilang kalo aku dah jadi puteri raja kok... aku kan puteri rajanya mama... hauhahuahuaa...


ga ding, ga usah jadi puteri raja jg gpp, jadi paris hilton aja cukup deh... hauhauhuaa...


blog....


pingin pulang ke indo... kangen ama mama... ama papa... ama cece... eh iya, bentar lg cece dah ngelahirin lohhhhhhhhh......... aduhhh, aku jadi tante deh...


apa lagi yaaaaaaaaa?!?!?!?!


eh iya...


aku sekarang lg demen2nya maen yahoo graffiti... lucuuu buangettt loh maennya itu... kayak tebak2an gambar getoohh... tapi aku selalu kalah... hahauahuaa... abisnya kalah cepet mulu typing nya... huhuhu... kalo ga kalah cepet, salah typing... ahhauhuaahu...parah...


aku jg dah instal yahoo messenger lohhh..... yg mau add, ini email nya: silviameinita@yahoo.com



my current fave photo

-- p h o b i a --


cerita2 ttg phobia, aku juga punya juga phobia...


aku punya phobia liat orang kecelakaan/sakit parah... sejak aku kecil, aku selalu ketakutan banget liat orang kecelakaan... ada semacam trauma yg bikin aku ga berani liat orang2 kayak gitu...


pernah, pas aku masih 1 smp, ada temennya papa mau dateng ke tempat kos ku, dan kebetulan temennya papa itu baru kecelakaan dan dioperasi matanya 2 minggu sebelumnya... pas dia dateng itu matanya dah diperban... pas itu aku masih di dalem kamar... begitu aku denger suara sepatunya, aku langsung ketakutan banget banget banget... padahal aku belum liat temennya papa itu... aku ga berani keluar kamar saking takutnya... aku udah ketakutan dalam bayanganku sendiri, sebelum aku liat keadaan sebenernya... terus aku nangis nangis ga karu2an, saking aku takutnya ama bayanganku sendiri... padahal mungkin kenyataannya itu ga seburuk kayak di bayanganku... aku bener2 takuttttttttttt banget pas itu... aku terus teriak2 kalo temennya papa itu ga boleh masuk kamarku... aku takut... abis aku nangisnya agak redaan, badanku panas... hiiii.........


terus...


pas summer kemarin ini aku pulang indo... sodara sepupuku ada yg kecelakaan dan patah tulang... aku juga ga berani liat awalnya... tapi karena terpaksa (aku harus ikut anterin ke sangkal putung, dll), akhir nya aku lumayan bisa juga liat... meskipun aku ga berani deket2 ama sodaraku itu...


suatu hari, aku dipaksa ikut anterin sodaraku itu operasi naruh pen di tulangnya yg patah itu... operasinya di rumah sakit... pertamanya aku ga mau, aku tau kalo aku bakal ketakutan banget liat rumah sakit, apalagi sampe masuk dalem... tapi mama maksa, mama bilang masak aku dah gede tapi masih takut sama hal2 kayak gituan... katanya aku harus belajar nerima kenyataan... terus ya aku ikut deh...


semuanya ok2 aja ampe sodaraku itu masuk ke kamar operasi dan aku nunggu di kursi di depan kamar operasinya... tiba2 pintu ruang operasi kebuka, dan ga tau kenapa aku bisa ketakutan bangettt... dalam bayanganku itu orang yg keluar pasti berdarah2 abis kecelakaan, yg pingsan, ga bisa bangun... aku takutttttt bangettttttt, terus aku nangis... aku nangis banget banget banget ampe sesenggukan... aku terus dipeluk mama... padahal mungkin tadi yg keluar ruangan itu bukan orang kecelakaan... karena aku ketakutan banget, ama mama aku dibawa keluar, terus diajak jalan2... terus diajak makan pecel lele... ahuhauaa.... yummiee...


pokoknya tiap liat orang2 yg sakit parah ato kecelakaan gitu, aku selalu ketakutan... aku selalu takut dalam bayanganku sendiri... padahal mungkin di kenyataannya, orangnya itu ga separah kayak di bayanganku...


itulah makanya aku mending ga jenguk orang2 sakit ato orang2 kecelakaan... daripada akunya sendiri nanti yg ketakutan banget... emang sih ini keliatannya rude banget -ga jenguk orang sakit-, tapi ya gimana lagi... i can't help it...


mungkin kapan2 aku bisa sembuh dari phobia ku ini...


terus aku ada juga a little phobia about water... bukannya aku takut air terus ga mau minum ato mandi gitu... tapi aku agak ketakutan kalo liat air yg gelap, dalem... misalnya kolam renang yg dalem... yg ampe 2 ato 3 meter... lagi2 aku ketkutan dalam bayanganku sendiri... kalo aku lewat tempat2 yg berair dalem gitu (misalnya pinggiran kolam renang), aku takut kalo aku bakal jatuh ke dalemnya... terus di dalem air itu gelap... dan aku ga bisa ngapa2in... hiiiiiiiii... buat bayangin aja aku ga brani...


2 case ini bisa dibilang phobia ga seh? arti phobia sebenernya juga apa ya?


btw, ini post berantakan banget... lagi ga ada mood nulis seh...

yay... tonight, i was successful making a dinner for okki...yay... since okki was busy preparing for the accounting exam, i thought it would be nice if i prepared a food for him...


i cooked 'ayam bumbu rujak'... i found the recipe in someone's blog, but i change a bit the steps... and it's so easy...


i'll write the recipe here in indonesian, since i get difficulties to explain them in english...


bahan2:
[1] kip fillet
[2] santan (aku tadi pake santan kara yg kotakan)
[3] sambal bajak (aku tadi pake yg botol kaca, beli di oriental)
[4] bawang merah-putih (karena tadi aku ga ada bawang merah, jadi aku ganti bawang bombay)
[5] bawang goreng
[6] garam-gula


cara2:
[1] panaskan minyak - ga usah banyak2-... kalo dah panas masukin bawang merah-putih yg udah dipotong2...
[2] kalo bawangnya dah wangi, masukin ayam yg udah dipotong2...
[3] kalo ayamnya dah mateng, masukin santan (aku ga tau ukuran pastinya, pokoknya pake feeling lah)
[4] trus, masukin sambal bajak (aku tadi pake 4 sendok)
[5] trus masukin gula, garam
[6] trus diicip2 kurang apa...
[7] kalo kurang manis ditambah gula, kalo kurang asin ditambah garem
[8] kalo dah mateng, dimakan pake nasi panas, ditambah bawang goreng...


now i'm going to make the dessert for okki... i'll make for him a plate of chocolate pudding and whipped cream... maybe i'll also put 'susu kental manis' on the top of the pudding...

well... i want to continue my previous post...


i said that i my my family... and it's really true... i really miss them...


~flashback~


when i graduated from elementary school -13 years old- i was separated with my family, since i asked to did my junior high school in another city -malang-... at first i thought it would be very great if i could live far far far away from my family... i thought it would be great to manage my own life, to arrange everything myself... it would be great if no one can force me to do this and this and this...


during my first year in junior high school, i stayed in a 'kos' -dunno exactly how to translate it into english- my parents often visited me, especially because i was often sick... i even got Hepatitis A on the first months... and every week i went home to mojokerto... i usually went home on saturday and i went back to malang on sunday or monday morning...


for the next years -starting from my second year in junior high school and my senior high school- i stayed in my own house...my parents brought a home for me and my sis, since my sis was also moving to malang...


i stayed in that city -malang- for the next 6 years... until i graduated from my senior high school...


on my last year of my high school i was so confused where to continue my study... then i applied so many universities, in indo, aussie, and holland... for holland, i applied in 2 universities, hogeschool inholland diemen and saxion deventer... and i was accepted for all the universities i applied... i was accepted in petra... also in aussie -monash uni-... also in saxion and inholland... i even already paid 3 million rupiahs (around 300 euros) for petra and 2 millions rupiahs (around 200 euros) for saxion... i wasted money for nothing... then i chose hogeschool inholland in diemen since it's not too far from tante betty's house in almere...


again... i thought that it would be great to live abroad, far from my family... i will be able to be more independent, more mature, i will be able to have a part time job... also, i thought that studying abroad have more prestige...


but now... i realize that i was srong... it's not that easy to live far far far away from my family... i rarely missed them before i came here (even when i was in malang, i rarely missed them, just because i went home every week)... now i realize that i need my family...


i often wonder how if i didn't ask to do my junior high school in malang? if i did my junior high school in mojokerto, i would have more time to live together with my family... sometimes i regret my decision to went to malang for my study... it's even worst now... i sometimes regret the decision to live abroad... far from my famz...


woah... my time to live together with my famz wasn't much... i lived together with my parents only until i graduated my elemtary school... i was separated since when i was a kid... woah... but that's my own fault... it was me who asked to contidue the study in malang... again, it was also me who asked to study abroad...


i often think that i was so selfish for asking my parents to let me go far away from them... my mom at first didn't allowed me to went to malang or to went abroad... my mom so worried since i was often sick when i was a child... but i insisted my parents to allowed me... woah... if only i knew that living far away from family isn't that easy... i didn't even think that it would be painful for my family to live far away from me... my mom often cried during the first months i'm here, and during my first months in malang....


but life must go on and on... i must continue my study here, in holland... eventhough i sometimes regret my decision to live abroad, i may not give up... i must survive here...

dear my lovely blog...


today i was late for the spanish exam... huhuhu... i was late for about 15 minutes... but luckily, not only me who came late, but also farah, mareh, and xia lily... ^_^' and the exam was so easy, that i think i'll pass it... nutjara even said to me that if we fail this exam, it means that we're really stupid... hauhaua... the exam was soooooo easy.... thx GOD...


hope that the law exam will be as easy as the spanish... well, i want to start studying law tonight... i'll now play ROSE for a while, then i'll go to amsterdam also for a while, then i'll study... i promise...


after the exam, i'll start to make my own resume and my own application letter...i want to try to apply to some companies for the placement... my first targets are NIKE hilversum, MATTEL amstelveen, MAKRO diemen, and any other companies in amsterdam or diemen... i think if i can't get a placement here, i'll go back to indo and do the placement at Tjiwi Kimia... i think it's also a good idea, since i'll be able to live together again with my parents for a year (Tjiwi Kimia is an international company produces papers and located in mojokerto) maybe it'll not be difficult for me to get the placement at Tjiwi Kimia, since my family has so many contacts there... but yeah, it's better to have the placement here...


i'm now going to be a mature, huh? well... i have to be mature... i'll be 20 this year... huhuhuu....


oooo yaaa, i forget sumthing... yesterday was my sis' bday... HBD sis... hope u'll be more mature... sorry for not giving u presents... i didn't even send a card... but i did remember your bday... really...


woah... i miss my family... yesterday mom told me that she cooked sate babi and sayur asin for my sis' bday... woahhhhhhhhh......... those are my fave foods... woaahhh... i cried yesterday when i was chatting with mom, since i felt so lonely here... my sis was at home yesterday (for her bday) and all my family members were all at home... they were together... except me... huhuu....


i want to go home...

woah...


tomorrow i'll have spanish exam and i haven't prepared at all... woah... what a lazy girl i am... it's now already 8pm, and i haven't studied... woah... i have to read and remember all the 6 chapters... woahh...


ok ok... i'll start studying by 9pm... ahuahuahua... i think i'll finish by 1am or 2am...


i just chatted with tata and we talked a bit about loneliness... she asked me if i ever feel lonely... well, i defenitely ever feel lonely, especially when i'm here, in holland...


to be honest, my life here is so different than my life in indo... i don't have any close friends here... i dunno why... that's why i often feel lonely, especially during my first year here... i felt so lonely, depressed, and i had little confidence... but now it's getting better for me since i'm now working in 2 restaurants and i have used to be alone...


i missed the times when i had many close friends... especially during my high school period... i had a lot of close friends that time... i even slept at my friend's house everyday... i never been at home... i parked my car at my friend's house also everytime i went to school...


we went to the church together... we hanged out together...


i miss all my best friends, i miss my high school period, i miss the times when i drove the car myself everywhere i wanted, i miss the times when i was so cheerful and so 'lemot' -huaahuahauauhua- miss those times... woah...


but yeah... everybody changes... i change, my friends change, all the people changes from time to time...


i don't want to blame anyone for the condition that i'm suffering now... not myself, not my boyfriend, not my friends... maybe it's just destiny...


someday i want to have a big reunion with all my high school friends...

sometimes even a simple thing can be so romantic if it's done together with our partner...


tonight, i made a banana split for okki... and it looked romantic -at least for me, since i had never cooked or made anything for him before-


my banana split was successful... yay... i made it so nice... i cut the banana into 2 pieces, and then i put them on the edge of the plate -the most beautiful plate we have heheuehe- then i added the ice cream at the center of the plate and then i gave 3 flowers of slagroom... it's so easy to prepare, but yeah, it looks romantic... at least i can make something for my boyfriend...


okki...i luph you...